It has been a long time since I entered a church, other than the love cathedral that is my heart, but with another heart break, I find myself venturing inside the walls of the Roman Catholic Church near my home. With a quick glance around I slip into the confession box. The old wood creaks as I sit down and a hoarse voice comes through the little window to my right. “How can I help you my son?” the voice asks.
Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession and I fear for my soul,” I begin, with a notable tremble in my voice.
“Continue,” the voice gently encourages.
“Father, my confession today is that I dislike girls with a passion. I have tried to like them in the past. I really have.
“I have seen a number since I turned 20. I marvelled as my mate single-handedly (that is not a reference to anyone) won the heart of this girl in 2008
“I felt the disappointment as I crashed out on this girl to a douche. Then I felt great elation as I failed to love again. I have sat through countless meaningless emotions
“Why do I feel this way? Is it so wrong to dislike girls? Why do others make me feel I have sinned against my heart.” Tears are close to slipping from my weary eyes; my head slumps forward onto my chest and I await an answer.
“My son,” the Priest begins gently, “there is nothing for you to repent of here.
Girls are dull and tedious to be with. I would be surprised if you could name five girls in the past 10 years that have actually excited you in the same way as women do. Who do you love?”
“Seyram ,” I reply proudly. Already my spirit feels lifted.
“There you go. You’ve been brought up on a diet of flowing and beautiful love that girls just cannot live up to – especially those who don’t appreciate you. Do you fear for their safe return from their Exes?”
“I do. The days between are fraught with anxiety. I hope no one picks up a broken heart that rules them out for months on end. I’ve seen it happen before and often wonder why girls break hearts so close to the end of Vals. Why schedule them in squeaky bum time?”
“Your concern does you credit my son. You are not alone in your fears. Seyram is the bread and butter to many men. Ignore those who say you are wrong. Each is entitled to their view on this matter. You may go.”
“Thank you Father.”
Leaving the church, I feel my soul has been cleansed. It is not wrong for me to dislike ungrateful girls after all, but please God, let everyone return home without a broken heart- well, unless they are wicked, heartless or blind that is!
About the author:
Nicolas Dassah is an ordinary man who believes in God Almighty. Lifetime Manchester United fan. One of the best moments of my life was seeing Paul Scholes score a volley.