Blood vs. Romance

Blood vs. Romance

Have you ever been in a situation where your introduction to your partner’s family was not as warm as you had hoped for it to be?

Have you ever experienced your family’s vehement opposition to a relationship because of certain reasons?

Family is a very important pillar in one’s life, especially one that is closely knit and constantly in communication. Because of the vital role the family plays in one’s life, it is quite easy to feel torn and caught in the middle. Here are few tips on how to deal with the situation:

  • Stay calm: Yes, you want to scream out in anger. You feel  belittled and treated unfairly. You feel you are mature enough and capable of choosing your own partner and should be allowed to, after all, you are the one in the relationship with your partner, and not mom or dad. BUT, such battles are not won with fights. Such fights compound issues and can even destroy or strain  the family bonds. So, show your maturity  to your family by letting them know you ackowledge them as your haven of love and support and that you value their concerns for you. This approach helps you listen to what they have against your partner and also enables you to think them through.
    Observe: In your calm mode, keep your eyes open. If you are a Christian, ask for guidance and a sharpened sense of discernment from God. Take your time to analyse the relationship. Ask yourself whether the relationship has longterm essence. Establish the existence of the ‘flaws’ – i.e. the things that make your family or you concerned. Ask yourself whether you can cope with your partner’s ‘flaws’ in the future. Love alone is not enough so try to be as realistic as possible.
    Be open, firm and determined: After your observation, you may have arrived at the decision to let the relationship go. This decision doesn’t necessarily mean that things between you and your family will be smoothened out automatically if your now past relationship caused rifts between you and the family, which is why you should follow the first step and not compound issues. You can’t lose on both ends. However, you would have learned to appreciate their involvement in your decision making.
    If after your observation you decide to stick with your partner, be sure of your partner’s commitment and determination to prove your family wrong and themselves worthy of you. Evaluate the situation and decide on how much distance or closeness is appropriate for peace to reign on both sides. Once you and your partner are determined to stay together against all odds, you should give your family some time and space to process the change and be convinced as well. Because hey, you can’t deny it, it is a double win when you have your family’s approval. Your relationship is more enjoyable when both parties – family and partner – can relate cordially with each other. It’s blissful to say the least.

What does the rejected partner do to salvage the situation?

  • Prove themselves: There is nothing more you can do apart from enduring and proving yourself worthy of their family member. Sometimes it is not YOU per se, but certain circumstances, ideologies or fears.
  • Stay calm: No one will feel confident in having you constantly around their loved one if you do  not respect them or show them that at least, you are not one to abuse their family member. Losing control only gives you negative points See their opposition as a challenge and work on overcoming it. Do not force your partner to choose you over their family.
  • Observe and calculate: Yes, you too need to observe. You can’t convince certain people on certain issues. That is one thing you need to clarify: “Is their reason for not accepting me tangible?” Be honest with yourself. “Do you understand them? Would you do same or worse in their situation?” Then: “Is your partner worth it?” Look beyond the love and scrutinize the person and the relationship. You can’t be going through all that for nothing.

Through it all, as a couple, you need to communicate openly and be each other’s strength  because: whatever will be, will be.

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Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

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Thank you so much for your mail.

First: the girl. She’s shown you (almost) beyond doubt that she’s in a relationship. The fact that her partner is not around makes her miss certain things that she would do with him if he were to be around. And that’s why you got that kiss. Her feeling guilty and telling you is a sign that she values her relationship with her partner more than what she has with you.
Now you: how would you feel if your girlfriend was kissing another guy because he’s close enough? Yes, put yourself in his shoes.
And then, think of how the relationship will be in future if you can’t put yourself in his shoes. Would you be able to trust her?
You can make the decision to stop these feelings for and keep your distance for a while. Give her the space to make a sincere decision on who she wants to be with to avoid your being used as the stand-in boyfriend.
All the best.

Feeble Heart by Nicolas Dassah

Feeble Heart by Nicolas Dassah

It has been a long time since I entered a church, other than the love cathedral that is my heart, but with another heart break, I find myself venturing inside the walls of the Roman Catholic Church near my home. With a quick glance around I slip into the confession box. The old wood creaks as I sit down and a hoarse voice comes through the little window to my right. “How can I help you my son?” the voice asks.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession and I fear for my soul,” I begin, with a notable tremble in my voice.

“Continue,” the voice gently encourages.

“Father, my confession today is that I dislike girls with a passion. I have tried to like them in the past. I really have.

“I have seen a number  since I turned 20. I marvelled as my mate single-handedly (that is not a reference to anyone) won the heart of this girl in 2008

   “I felt the disappointment as I crashed out on this girl to a douche. Then I felt great elation as I failed to love again. I have sat through countless meaningless emotions

   “Why do I feel this way? Is it so wrong to dislike girls? Why do others make me feel I have sinned against my heart.” Tears are close to slipping from my weary eyes; my head slumps forward onto my chest and I await an answer.

“My son,” the Priest begins gently, “there is nothing for you to repent of here.

Girls are dull and tedious to be with. I would be surprised if you could name five girls in the past 10 years that have actually excited you in the same way as women do. Who do you love?”

“Seyram ,” I reply proudly. Already my spirit feels lifted.

“There you go. You’ve been brought up on a diet of flowing and beautiful love that girls  just cannot live up to – especially those who don’t appreciate you. Do you fear for their safe return from their Exes?”

“I do. The days between  are fraught with anxiety. I hope no one picks up a broken heart that rules them out for months on end. I’ve seen it happen before and often wonder why girls break hearts so close to the end of Vals. Why schedule them in squeaky bum time?”

“Your concern does you credit my son. You are not alone in your fears. Seyram is the bread and butter to many men. Ignore those who say you are wrong. Each is entitled to their view on this matter. You may go.”

“Thank you Father.”

Leaving the church, I feel my soul has been cleansed. It is not wrong for me to dislike ungrateful girls after all, but please God, let everyone return home without a broken heart- well, unless they are wicked, heartless or blind that is!

 

About the author:

Nicolas Dassah is an ordinary man who believes in God Almighty. Lifetime Manchester United fan. One of the best moments of my life was seeing Paul Scholes score a volley.

How to deal with a cheating boyfriend

How to deal with a cheating boyfriend

Cheating is inexcusable. Cheating hurts your partner. Cheating not only humiliates your partner, but also ruins their self confidence.

The youth today sadly glorifies infidelity, conveniently forgetting that it leads to broken homes, transmission of STIs, distrust amongst others.

Some guys cheat because of peer pressure. They want to belong so they do as their friends are doing so they can belong. Other guys cheat because getting the confirmation from other ladies makes them feel good.
Some guys simply cheat because they are plain immature and indecisive.

Now you find out your boyfriend is cheating. What do you do?
Every situation is different.
If you find out and he’s remorseful, it makes it easier to help him.
Some actually confess because they couldn’t live with the guilt. I think such men deserve a second chance. Forgive these men and help them.
Now, those who show no remorse and actually blame you for their act. That relationship needs to be weighed.

Never take blame for his actions. If he has an issue, he should be able to talk to you about it for the love of your relationship. If he doesn’t see any progress, for the respect he’d love to be given, he should just end the relationship and start a new one. You are not the cause of the problem.

Ladies, don’t go contacting the other lady, warning her to stay off your man. You and her have no business. It’s him you’re in a relationship with. Face him and confront him because he’s the one you have a relationship with. The other lady has her own issues.

Lastly, don’t just take an apology and let it rest because you love him. Make your own investigations. Why did he cheat? What role did your attitude play at that time? What exactly was his incentive? When was the incident? How long did it last?
These questions will help you determine whether or not you’ll stay with him.

Share your thoughts and concerns with me tadibabe@gmail.com, mamizzle233 on twitter.

Choose your battles wisely

Choose your battles wisely

You know how you want to get back at people for hurting you. How confusing it is when people you know are evil seem to be enjoying life without worries. You feel it’s your responsibility to ensure they feel pain or face difficulties?

Don’t waste your time on such people. Don’t waste your time on people who are already lost.

Truth of the matter is: they’re suffering. They’re temporarily great at hiding it. You’ll see them bearing the consequences of their actions without your help.

But most importantly, stop giving them your attention. Don’t wish them evil. Try to forgive them and channel your energy and time to yourself.

Concentrate on yourself. Fight battles that will lead you into victory. Find new challenges for yourself so you can progress.

When you are in an environment surrounded by people who don’t like you, don’t concentrate on them. Don’t allow their hateful attitude get to you.

If you can have a mature conversation with them to solve the issue, fine. But if not, simply reflect on how you can make things better. Instead of picking fights that drain you of your energy and make the situation worse, invest in yourself.

Make sure you do what you are supposed to do. Add value to yourself. This way, you earn their respect. Don’t waste your time beating yourself down. Use your time wisely. Look forward to overcoming challenges. Look forward to the better and stronger you.

As iron sharpens iron …

As iron sharpens iron …

Never underestimate the influence the company you keep has on you.

People you stay in contact with rub off on you, one way or the other.
You pick up ideas and character traits from people consciously or unconsciously.

Even if you don’t copy their activities or ideas, they influence how you think regarding those activities or ideas.

This becomes critical when it comes to your ability to achieve your dreams.
The conversations you have either push your dreams into reality or they keep your progress stagnant. Worst case, the wrong kind of conversations could kill your dreams.

So therefore, choose your friends wisely.
Find people who are in the same movement as you. You need people with similar goals.

Conversations with such people encourage you. You learn from their mistakes. Conversations with the right people will open your eyes to things that will fuel the progress/journey to achieving your dreams.
Even their activities show the type of people they are.
How determined they go about their goals is definitely going to motivate and encourage you for your own journey.

Yes, you have to activate your senses to screen the people who come into your life to know whether they’re adding to or taking away from you.
Are they supportive? Do they cause you to move in the right direction? Do they make you feel you are wasting time and resources?
Anyone who is extra baggage for your journey must be left behind. You have to save your energy for what’s important and what’s positive.
You don’t have to be rude to those who don’t share your vision, you simply have to limit the time you spend with them.

In the end, it all boils down to you knowing what you want and how to get what you want.
It’s up to you to know/decide how much you need your dreams achieved.
And then you’ll know how to control the influence that is coming in because …
As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

In the process of becoming an adult,  you experience series of changes. Changes in your body,  mentality,  location,  dreams and relationships.
One of the many changes is loyalty in relationships.
As a child,  you automatically protect people who protect you or people you love. As a child, you are automatically protected by people who love you and are protected by you.
As a child,  you are taught that one hand washes the other.
But then, as you’re growing up,  you realise that sometimes your hand is stil unwashed after you’ve washed your friend’s/brother’s/sister’s.
You feel disappointed.
The truth of the matter is: Growing up has taught everyone how to wash their own hands.
Yes, people are focused on their own pursuits. Which is actually good because people around you can only be happy doing what they enjoy.
So this is the time for you to find out who cherishes you enough to have you on their minds.
There’s no need to bear grudges with people because they weren’t there when you needed them. Don’t count on external support.  Focus on your personal strengths and weaknesses. Utilize them to the maximum.  Then when you get external help,  be grateful and note them for future purposes.
Your loyalty must be redefined and the benefactors of your loyalty reorganised.
Your loyalty should work for you first and foremost,  then you can extend it out to others.

The Men In My Life

The Men In My Life

I have been bestowed the special honor of writing the LADIES’ version of the blog post The Women in My Life – http://wp.me/p2OGSL-3B by my dear friend Ostwiiiiin.
Ha!
(Read my post first before you check his out! LOL)

Alright, this is how it works:
Following are descriptions of the relationships I have with the men around me and the roles they play in my life. Yes, one person could match more than 1 description so don’t worry, collect as many as you can!

That one man who confuses you more than your female friends do.

That one who cooks almost as good as your mommy.

That one who understands and shares your passion.

That one man who always makes you smile.

That one whose company you thoroughly enjoy.

That one who allows you to be you.

That one who constantly flirts with you even though there can’t be anything serious for whatever reason.

That one you effortlessly have those deep and honest conversations with.

That one who broke your heart.

That one whose heart you broke.

That one you talk to everyday. A day without a word from him is just unbearable.

Your crush.

That one who knows everything. Yes, EVERYTHING.

That one to whom you run to when you need to get something fixed. (Handyman 😍😍😍😍)

That one who has the perfect scripture for every situation. Yes, your salted Christian friend.

That one who is the fashionisto. Oh yes he inspires me!

That one who loves teasing you.

That one you love teasing.

That one who wouldn’t give up on a relationship with you no matter what you told him.

That one who can’t say no to you 😆

That one you don’t find attractive one bit.

That one whose standards are unreachable so you just have to give up on.

That one who is sinfully cute, yet untouchable.

That one you’d love to smack in the face because he’s sooooooo annoying!

Huh! The bully.

That adorable one you could hug over and over if you could!

That one who keeps procrastinating claiming he has a plan.

That one who is full of wisdom.

The generous one.

That one who loves your cooking. Ugh you boost my confidence!

That one who is forcing the friendship.

That one who doesn’t know what he wants from you or at least doesn’t know how to say it. (Ain’t nobody got time for that!)

Now, that one who touches that spot. That one you can never forget.

That one you never want to see or have contact with.

The selfless one.