Tit For Tat? Or not?

Tit For Tat? Or not?

Lately I have been at the giving side in most of my friendships and relationships. Giving in the form of advice, kind words, financial support, being physically and emotionally present etc.

I acknowledge the blessing in giving. I do believe as a Christian that it is more blessed to give than to receive. Yet, as human as  I am, I sometimes feel used, taken advantage of. I even feel burnt out, left with no energy for myself

This write-up is to remind myself and everyone else in such a situation that we should never grow weary of doing good.

Yes, sometimes it gets hard when all your good deeds are thrown back in your face, unappreciated.

It hurts when you seem to get no help when you need it most. When you feel lonely at the time of your need.

When those you selflessly help boldly turn their backs on you when you need them.

BUT!

There is one way to deal with the disappointment!

You do not seek rewards from people around you. When you give, give without expecting anything in return. This way, you spare yourself the disappointment and hurt because you had no expectations.

Moroever, your reward -the best reward – comes from God. He sees your heart and knows your thoughts. Give cheerfully. That is the bigger challenge!

So next time, when you feel like giving up on doing good, remember who you are doing it for. Remember that human rewards are nothing compared to heavenly rewards.

And do not forget to love yourself, too. “Love your neighbor as you love yourself”. You are commanded to take care of yourself first. That is the only way you can give sincerely.

Advertisements
Quote

If you know you…

If you know you are going to stay in that relationship with that cheating/ lying/ manipulative/ self-centered/ untruthful/ unattentive/ inconsiderate man, kindly stop disrespecting and embarassing yourself by telling people how terrible the relationship is and still staying in it.

Some women are always complaining about their men and vice versa!

Your constant complaints about your spouse actually does not put you in a good light! You are someone who actually does not know their worth! If you keep implying you deserve better, then kindly DO better! Respect yourself!

Get out of the relationship, if it is that bad. If you can fix it, kindly shut up and do so! The only time you discuss your relationship,if you are not praising it, should be when you are seeking for help outside from the right people.

Set the “enough limit” and stick to it. Stop adjusting it. You might die in the process …

 

Lesson: Trust Your Mother’s Judgement

Lesson: Trust Your Mother’s Judgement

Soooooooooo here we are!!!

Jeez! Time surely flies fast! I can’t believe the first quarter of this year already ended!

I am thankful for the little achievements that came with it. And I surely have a few lessons that I learned. Some were the very hard way, others, not so hard. But hey, we learn and we live!

This lesson is actually one I should have learned before ending my teens. But well, better late than never. I have learned to respect motherhood. I have learned to respect my mother’s wisdom. I have learned to accept her love, as fierce as it is.

A friend told me last week: “Hey, let me tell you this. No matter how high you climb a tree, you will not see what your mother sees, seated under that tree.” Growing up, I had people advise me to be obedient to my mother. I heeded to that advice till I was probably 19. I felt mature enough to handle my business. But these past few months, I have learnt that I can not be grown past mommy. My wisdom is not her level of wisdom. She has seen what I am seeing and more. She knows the consequences of my decisions and actions. She tries to guide me from pain, from getting myself hurt. Of course, I have to make my own mistakes, but some mistakes are too painful and unnecessary.

A mother will not sit down passively and watch her child run into fire. She will do everything to distract your path to that fire. She will do everything to make sure you are aware of the danger ahead. Sometimes you are running into that fire, knowing very well it is hot, yet you have that silly hope that, either, you are immune to the heat or that the fire is not that hot. A loving mother will take measures, regardless what it costs her, to prevent you from getting burnt.

Yes, you feel misunderstood. You feel belittled. You feel insulted because you are deemed unfit to handle your own business, your own life. Yes it is your life, you bear the consequences. But remember, when you hurt, your mother hurts too. Her heart bleeds when you are broken. Your life is connected to hers. She wants the best for you. Trust her judgement. Help yourself by trying to see things her way. Swallow your pride. Be patient with her. Take time to listen.  It is your happiness that is at stake.

Remember, you both are a team. Your happiness is her happiness. Her joy is seeing you succeed. Image

Image

5 Truths About Giving

5 Truths About Giving

How to Give:

1. With a cheerful heart, not grudgingly, Give out of your own free will.

2. Without expecting anything in return

3. With faith that you are giving something positive. Something does not have to be material. A smile, a prayer, time, all these can be given and can change situations for the better.

4. You can only give what you have. You cannot rob Peter to pay Paul, It usually does not end well. So, add value to yourself. Invest in yourself and share the profit with others.

5. Giving makes you fulfilled. You experience pure joy when you give.

Photo: http://www.friendsofvistanova.co.za

Status

Homosexuality

image

Homosexuality. What does this term tell me? What do I associate with it? As a ‘straight’ person, as a practising homosexual or as a Christian? Homosexuality is not a ‘modern phenomenon’ as some think. It has been there at least for the past 2000 years. And yes, it has always been wrong in God’s eyes. (1 Tim 1:10). Now that’s for the Christian.
For the ‘straight’ person,  you are not any better than the homosexual. Why? ‘For all have sinned…’ In God’s eyes, there are no different ‘types’ or ‘sizes’ in sin. So just because your sin bears different consequences than your neighbor’s doesn’t make you better than they are. You shouldn’t make fun of them or make them feel bad. Mockery is never the way forward,  neither is hating nor punishing them with stigmatising. What you ought to do is love them, the individuals,  and pray for them.
Talk to them in love and plant the seed and leave it to grow. It won’t be in vain. Many homosexuals are forced to practise because of money or are being abused. Some do not know anything else. That’s why they need us to be there for them. Don’t forget to pray for yourself as well. It is not easy sticking to what the Bible says on homosexuality. Nevertheless,  you should make it clear that it is the act that is wrong and should be avoided but not the people practising it. God loves us all equally. Jesus was there for tax collectors and prostitutes,  whose position could be compared to today’s homosexuals. Hate the evil act, not the people.
To the homosexual, you’re still a child of God. He loves you, no matter how your past and present situations are. Think of your eternal life. Is it love you are getting from your partner? Anyone who truly loves you would be concerned about your welfare,  earthly and eternal. It is never too late. Whatever it is that you get from the homosexual relationship,  remember God says we should seek Him first and everything else will be given to you. He’ll supply your needs according to His riches. Overcome this challenge and experience the joy of being in sync with God.  

My Daddy Gon’ Take Care Of It!

My Daddy Gon’ Take Care Of It!

Happy New Year Everyone!  I hope you had a great start and I pray for you the grace to accomplish your goals!
Goals goals goals!  Resolutions resolutions resolutions!
I didn’t make a new one, I simply continued from last year. I resolved to be better. To be a better person, a better daughter, a better Christian, a better girlfriend/partner, a better student,  a better friend …. a better Me! I can only be better if I give the best of what I have. And I’ll always keep getting better. I say ‘better’ because it means I can still grow and improve, no matter where I get to.
Well, one of the personal projects I started last year was FORGIVENESS!
It’s been exactly three months today and I want to update/share with you, how it has been and what I have learnt.
My first update was basically: Be bold to keep people who hurt far from you.  There’s no point seeing them every day to be reminded of the pain and/or to be hurt again.
Today’s update is: Pray for them. Put them in God’s hands and just leave them there! No amount of pain or revenge you plan for them will make you feel better,  maybe short term, but not long term. You’ll regret it. Sometimes you’re so tempted to do something to hurt them as well, just let go. I know it’s harder than it sounds. But truth is, I’ve tried it and it’s worked for me. I had to hear ‘just let them be’ repeatedly before I finally discarded that thought. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible. You pray for this particular person and for yourself. Ask for the spirit and strength to forgive.  Ask for a positive mindset and concentrate on you. You’ll see how this prayer will take you miles. You’ll be more productive because you’re working on YOU.
Whenever I hear of what someone has said about me, whenever I get hurt, I’ll just pray about it and let God handle them. Why? Because no revenge of mine, no telling off, no confrontation can match up to what God can do. Just look at how your parents become angry when you’re treated unfairly at school, how they fight for you and make sure you’re shown justice. How much more your heavenly Father, who made you in His own image. Anyone who messes with you, isn’t messing with just you, he/she is messing with God. Let your Daddy handle it! He’ll do a much better job than you ever would!

All the best,

Phoebe

Status

Challenge: Loving when you’re not being loved back.

Quick update on the forgiveness challenge: I’ve been able to totally forgive some people and not look back at what they did to me. It worked even better than I thought. This challenge has however opened my eyes to the kind of relationship I have with some people and how they actually see our relationship.

Some people will keep offending me because they do not value me the way I value them. I believe that friendship means wanting the best for the other, encouraging the growth of the friendship through actions. However, I’ve noticed that some people I call friends do not care about our friendship or about my welfare. They are not friends I can rely on. They do not put in any effect to help me when I need it. This is quite a disappointment for me because I try as much as possible to be there for them. I do not mind going out of my way to make a friend happy. I’m not saying this to boast. This is how I was brought up. This is who I’ve grown up to become. Another failed part is respect. Respect is reciprocal. But it seems some people have either missed this or successfully ignored it.

image

Now, how do I intend to deal with this? It hurts. It’s disappointing. It scares me from making new friends and trusting them. It scares me from being me, from giving my best at being  the good friend that I ought and want to be.

The best way, I’ve discovered,  is to limit such friendships. That doesn’t mean you’ve to become rude or mean. I’ll help when I am called to but I will try to keep my distance. It’s being close to the person that gets me hurt and disappointed so keeping my distance will keep the frequency low. And the distance and less hurting will help me forget the pain and forgive them. I don’t have to see them every time to be reminded of my pain. Limiting their access also helps you learn not to rely on them or expect anything from them.

image

Channel your energy where it’s needed. You derive motivation from that.

Had any experience with this issue? Share with me below! I need every tip that’ll make the forgiveness challenge go better where possible.

Thanks for reading!

Love Says Be You

Love Says Be You

Most at times you see young and older ladies come out of relationships, totally shattered. They find it hard to move on, not because the man was so awesome, but because they had lost themselves during the time with that particular man. They built their lives around one person, failing to remember to think of themselves.

How does this happen? Losing yourself, Your personality?

It happens simply because these women place the men above themselves. In their desperate quest to please their men to be able to keep them, they forget to accept themselves and build their pride around themselves, not around these men. They forget that it is them being them, in their unique ways, with their friends, family, upbringing etc. that makes them extraordinary. This makes them worth loving.

There is no need to change your life completely when you yourself do not see the change and its effect to be positive for you. The times when we changed our lifestyles completely to fit that of one man are long gone, or at least should be long gone.

Why else would a woman adapt to a man? Because she depends on Him financially, emotionally etc.

Ladies, this is not it!!! Empower yourself!

Know your worth! Know what makes you you! What makes you unique! There is a big difference between you and your partner adapting to each other and you giving up your life for a partner. He should appreciate you, not change you to become what he wants.

Do not lose yourself in a relationship. Take care of yourself.

Do not forget what was before him. Your family, friends, career etc. They count too. They helped you become who you are.

From concerned women to concerned women

You deserve better
You are special too
Do not let yourself go because you fell in love

Love is a beautiful bond
It is supposed to make you better not bitter
Do not love a man more than yourself

Look at yourself in the mirror
What do you see?
It not too late
You can make a change

Yes you are a woman
Your love is deep
You want to take care of your man
Make him feel special

Do not forget yourself
Pamper yourself too
Live life

Do not let yourself go because of a relationship
Keep your self worth
Keep your dignity
Let them shine through

Love him, and yourself too.

Thank you so much Mawusi of mizzpeh.wordpress.com! God bless you for your patience, time and input!

Sex! How Sex Influences The Pre-Marital Relationship

Sex! How Sex Influences The Pre-Marital Relationship

The Guys:

Sex blinds!

I’ll admit that because after the act all you see is her gracious curves and how soft her bosom feels.

You lose focus of what really matters-personality and character , because she drives your senses crazy, you call her daisy and feel she’s amazing.

Some even confuse this with love but get it right great sex is not true love. True love is what happens before and after sex.

Do you still stay up all night just talking to each other or you stay up all night exploring each other’s bodies ??

Do you still wake up each day thinking of how wonderful she is as a person or you day dream of making love to her in different ways ??

Did your love for her grow after sex or did you just find her more entertaining after sex ??

The Ladies:


Sex binds

Yes, I will put it out there like that because it is true. Sex binds spiritually and physically. You don’t believe? Let us look at this:

It is harder for a lady to leave a relationship when she has slept with the man, especially when he is her first. No matter how bad things are, she still has her hopes up high because he has her ‘pride’.

The way a lady sees her man is influenced by how he treats her in bed. If he makes sure she is satisfied before he is, she admires him and respects him for that. Thus it strengthens the affection she has for him.

Though some of us young folks see sex before marriage as ‘testing the waters’, I think the fear of sexual disorder can be dealt with differently.Probably talk about it during the time before marriage, so you know what to expect. Moreover, there is more to marriage than sex.

I believe God wants the best for us when he tells us not to have sex before marriage because it protects us from getting hurt. Because at our ages, we are still young and indecisive. Our minds change regarding what we wanna become in future, what our interests are etc. Yes, we evolve. There is no need to rush.

It is the prerogative of every indiviudal to decide what they want, how they want their sexual life to be.

I’d like to thank Arnold Adrian Sarpong of www.sinfulheart.wordpress.com for his input and initiative.Thanks so much for your support!