Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

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Thank you so much for your mail.

First: the girl. She’s shown you (almost) beyond doubt that she’s in a relationship. The fact that her partner is not around makes her miss certain things that she would do with him if he were to be around. And that’s why you got that kiss. Her feeling guilty and telling you is a sign that she values her relationship with her partner more than what she has with you.
Now you: how would you feel if your girlfriend was kissing another guy because he’s close enough? Yes, put yourself in his shoes.
And then, think of how the relationship will be in future if you can’t put yourself in his shoes. Would you be able to trust her?
You can make the decision to stop these feelings for and keep your distance for a while. Give her the space to make a sincere decision on who she wants to be with to avoid your being used as the stand-in boyfriend.
All the best.

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Choose your battles wisely

Choose your battles wisely

You know how you want to get back at people for hurting you. How confusing it is when people you know are evil seem to be enjoying life without worries. You feel it’s your responsibility to ensure they feel pain or face difficulties?

Don’t waste your time on such people. Don’t waste your time on people who are already lost.

Truth of the matter is: they’re suffering. They’re temporarily great at hiding it. You’ll see them bearing the consequences of their actions without your help.

But most importantly, stop giving them your attention. Don’t wish them evil. Try to forgive them and channel your energy and time to yourself.

Concentrate on yourself. Fight battles that will lead you into victory. Find new challenges for yourself so you can progress.

When you are in an environment surrounded by people who don’t like you, don’t concentrate on them. Don’t allow their hateful attitude get to you.

If you can have a mature conversation with them to solve the issue, fine. But if not, simply reflect on how you can make things better. Instead of picking fights that drain you of your energy and make the situation worse, invest in yourself.

Make sure you do what you are supposed to do. Add value to yourself. This way, you earn their respect. Don’t waste your time beating yourself down. Use your time wisely. Look forward to overcoming challenges. Look forward to the better and stronger you.

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

In the process of becoming an adult,  you experience series of changes. Changes in your body,  mentality,  location,  dreams and relationships.
One of the many changes is loyalty in relationships.
As a child,  you automatically protect people who protect you or people you love. As a child, you are automatically protected by people who love you and are protected by you.
As a child,  you are taught that one hand washes the other.
But then, as you’re growing up,  you realise that sometimes your hand is stil unwashed after you’ve washed your friend’s/brother’s/sister’s.
You feel disappointed.
The truth of the matter is: Growing up has taught everyone how to wash their own hands.
Yes, people are focused on their own pursuits. Which is actually good because people around you can only be happy doing what they enjoy.
So this is the time for you to find out who cherishes you enough to have you on their minds.
There’s no need to bear grudges with people because they weren’t there when you needed them. Don’t count on external support.  Focus on your personal strengths and weaknesses. Utilize them to the maximum.  Then when you get external help,  be grateful and note them for future purposes.
Your loyalty must be redefined and the benefactors of your loyalty reorganised.
Your loyalty should work for you first and foremost,  then you can extend it out to others.

The Men In My Life

The Men In My Life

I have been bestowed the special honor of writing the LADIES’ version of the blog post The Women in My Life – http://wp.me/p2OGSL-3B by my dear friend Ostwiiiiin.
Ha!
(Read my post first before you check his out! LOL)

Alright, this is how it works:
Following are descriptions of the relationships I have with the men around me and the roles they play in my life. Yes, one person could match more than 1 description so don’t worry, collect as many as you can!

That one man who confuses you more than your female friends do.

That one who cooks almost as good as your mommy.

That one who understands and shares your passion.

That one man who always makes you smile.

That one whose company you thoroughly enjoy.

That one who allows you to be you.

That one who constantly flirts with you even though there can’t be anything serious for whatever reason.

That one you effortlessly have those deep and honest conversations with.

That one who broke your heart.

That one whose heart you broke.

That one you talk to everyday. A day without a word from him is just unbearable.

Your crush.

That one who knows everything. Yes, EVERYTHING.

That one to whom you run to when you need to get something fixed. (Handyman 😍😍😍😍)

That one who has the perfect scripture for every situation. Yes, your salted Christian friend.

That one who is the fashionisto. Oh yes he inspires me!

That one who loves teasing you.

That one you love teasing.

That one who wouldn’t give up on a relationship with you no matter what you told him.

That one who can’t say no to you 😆

That one you don’t find attractive one bit.

That one whose standards are unreachable so you just have to give up on.

That one who is sinfully cute, yet untouchable.

That one you’d love to smack in the face because he’s sooooooo annoying!

Huh! The bully.

That adorable one you could hug over and over if you could!

That one who keeps procrastinating claiming he has a plan.

That one who is full of wisdom.

The generous one.

That one who loves your cooking. Ugh you boost my confidence!

That one who is forcing the friendship.

That one who doesn’t know what he wants from you or at least doesn’t know how to say it. (Ain’t nobody got time for that!)

Now, that one who touches that spot. That one you can never forget.

That one you never want to see or have contact with.

The selfless one.

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If you know you…

If you know you are going to stay in that relationship with that cheating/ lying/ manipulative/ self-centered/ untruthful/ unattentive/ inconsiderate man, kindly stop disrespecting and embarassing yourself by telling people how terrible the relationship is and still staying in it.

Some women are always complaining about their men and vice versa!

Your constant complaints about your spouse actually does not put you in a good light! You are someone who actually does not know their worth! If you keep implying you deserve better, then kindly DO better! Respect yourself!

Get out of the relationship, if it is that bad. If you can fix it, kindly shut up and do so! The only time you discuss your relationship,if you are not praising it, should be when you are seeking for help outside from the right people.

Set the “enough limit” and stick to it. Stop adjusting it. You might die in the process …

 

Lesson: Trust Your Mother’s Judgement

Lesson: Trust Your Mother’s Judgement

Soooooooooo here we are!!!

Jeez! Time surely flies fast! I can’t believe the first quarter of this year already ended!

I am thankful for the little achievements that came with it. And I surely have a few lessons that I learned. Some were the very hard way, others, not so hard. But hey, we learn and we live!

This lesson is actually one I should have learned before ending my teens. But well, better late than never. I have learned to respect motherhood. I have learned to respect my mother’s wisdom. I have learned to accept her love, as fierce as it is.

A friend told me last week: “Hey, let me tell you this. No matter how high you climb a tree, you will not see what your mother sees, seated under that tree.” Growing up, I had people advise me to be obedient to my mother. I heeded to that advice till I was probably 19. I felt mature enough to handle my business. But these past few months, I have learnt that I can not be grown past mommy. My wisdom is not her level of wisdom. She has seen what I am seeing and more. She knows the consequences of my decisions and actions. She tries to guide me from pain, from getting myself hurt. Of course, I have to make my own mistakes, but some mistakes are too painful and unnecessary.

A mother will not sit down passively and watch her child run into fire. She will do everything to distract your path to that fire. She will do everything to make sure you are aware of the danger ahead. Sometimes you are running into that fire, knowing very well it is hot, yet you have that silly hope that, either, you are immune to the heat or that the fire is not that hot. A loving mother will take measures, regardless what it costs her, to prevent you from getting burnt.

Yes, you feel misunderstood. You feel belittled. You feel insulted because you are deemed unfit to handle your own business, your own life. Yes it is your life, you bear the consequences. But remember, when you hurt, your mother hurts too. Her heart bleeds when you are broken. Your life is connected to hers. She wants the best for you. Trust her judgement. Help yourself by trying to see things her way. Swallow your pride. Be patient with her. Take time to listen.  It is your happiness that is at stake.

Remember, you both are a team. Your happiness is her happiness. Her joy is seeing you succeed. Image

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5 Truths About Giving

5 Truths About Giving

How to Give:

1. With a cheerful heart, not grudgingly, Give out of your own free will.

2. Without expecting anything in return

3. With faith that you are giving something positive. Something does not have to be material. A smile, a prayer, time, all these can be given and can change situations for the better.

4. You can only give what you have. You cannot rob Peter to pay Paul, It usually does not end well. So, add value to yourself. Invest in yourself and share the profit with others.

5. Giving makes you fulfilled. You experience pure joy when you give.

Photo: http://www.friendsofvistanova.co.za

Status

Homosexuality

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Homosexuality. What does this term tell me? What do I associate with it? As a ‘straight’ person, as a practising homosexual or as a Christian? Homosexuality is not a ‘modern phenomenon’ as some think. It has been there at least for the past 2000 years. And yes, it has always been wrong in God’s eyes. (1 Tim 1:10). Now that’s for the Christian.
For the ‘straight’ person,  you are not any better than the homosexual. Why? ‘For all have sinned…’ In God’s eyes, there are no different ‘types’ or ‘sizes’ in sin. So just because your sin bears different consequences than your neighbor’s doesn’t make you better than they are. You shouldn’t make fun of them or make them feel bad. Mockery is never the way forward,  neither is hating nor punishing them with stigmatising. What you ought to do is love them, the individuals,  and pray for them.
Talk to them in love and plant the seed and leave it to grow. It won’t be in vain. Many homosexuals are forced to practise because of money or are being abused. Some do not know anything else. That’s why they need us to be there for them. Don’t forget to pray for yourself as well. It is not easy sticking to what the Bible says on homosexuality. Nevertheless,  you should make it clear that it is the act that is wrong and should be avoided but not the people practising it. God loves us all equally. Jesus was there for tax collectors and prostitutes,  whose position could be compared to today’s homosexuals. Hate the evil act, not the people.
To the homosexual, you’re still a child of God. He loves you, no matter how your past and present situations are. Think of your eternal life. Is it love you are getting from your partner? Anyone who truly loves you would be concerned about your welfare,  earthly and eternal. It is never too late. Whatever it is that you get from the homosexual relationship,  remember God says we should seek Him first and everything else will be given to you. He’ll supply your needs according to His riches. Overcome this challenge and experience the joy of being in sync with God.  

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Hey guys! I know it has been a while and I am truly sorry for the loooooooooooong interval! It is inexcusable! I promise I will do better.

Today’s topic is FORGIVENESS!

To be honest, guys, I am struggling with this. I feel so burdened. I find it so hard to let things go. I feel I am being stupid. I feel I would be letting people get away so easily with hurting me. And it is actually hurting me the more. I wasn’t always like this, actually. There were times before I was, say 17, I was forgiving. I even forgot most of what people did against me. But then something happened that made me change even before I realized it.

Tonight, I cast my mind back and figured how I was able to forgive. I have remembered how ashamed it made those people feel and how they actually apologized after I had forgiven them in my heart. I remembered how I wasn’t dragging along anyone’s baggage of evil done against me. I have remembered the positives and supported them with the little I have read.

Truly, forgiveness makes you free. I do not have to think of people as ‘enemies’ or ‘haters’ or simply in a negative way. I take them as they are and move on. I am not perfect myself. I have stepped on toes and will continue to. It is human! 

Forgiveness will give me the positive energy! I wouldn’t be wasting time dwelling on pain. I would use this time to recreate myself. Work on my ideas. I will prosper when I am forgiving.

Forgiving people will make me know I am on the right path as a Christian. “And forgive us, as we forgive those who trespass against us”. It is my job as a Christian to forgive. Jesus forgave and still forgives me. Who am I not to forgive?

Today, 17th of October 2013, I, Phoebe pledge to forgive AND forget the pain. I will learn my lessons from the pain, yes. But I won’t dwell on it. I want to move forward. I don’t need any baggage from the past weighing me down or pulling me down. I challenge you to do same!