Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

Dilemma: She says she has a boyfriend, but I really like her.

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Thank you so much for your mail.

First: the girl. She’s shown you (almost) beyond doubt that she’s in a relationship. The fact that her partner is not around makes her miss certain things that she would do with him if he were to be around. And that’s why you got that kiss. Her feeling guilty and telling you is a sign that she values her relationship with her partner more than what she has with you.
Now you: how would you feel if your girlfriend was kissing another guy because he’s close enough? Yes, put yourself in his shoes.
And then, think of how the relationship will be in future if you can’t put yourself in his shoes. Would you be able to trust her?
You can make the decision to stop these feelings for and keep your distance for a while. Give her the space to make a sincere decision on who she wants to be with to avoid your being used as the stand-in boyfriend.
All the best.

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How to deal with a cheating boyfriend

How to deal with a cheating boyfriend

Cheating is inexcusable. Cheating hurts your partner. Cheating not only humiliates your partner, but also ruins their self confidence.

The youth today sadly glorifies infidelity, conveniently forgetting that it leads to broken homes, transmission of STIs, distrust amongst others.

Some guys cheat because of peer pressure. They want to belong so they do as their friends are doing so they can belong. Other guys cheat because getting the confirmation from other ladies makes them feel good.
Some guys simply cheat because they are plain immature and indecisive.

Now you find out your boyfriend is cheating. What do you do?
Every situation is different.
If you find out and he’s remorseful, it makes it easier to help him.
Some actually confess because they couldn’t live with the guilt. I think such men deserve a second chance. Forgive these men and help them.
Now, those who show no remorse and actually blame you for their act. That relationship needs to be weighed.

Never take blame for his actions. If he has an issue, he should be able to talk to you about it for the love of your relationship. If he doesn’t see any progress, for the respect he’d love to be given, he should just end the relationship and start a new one. You are not the cause of the problem.

Ladies, don’t go contacting the other lady, warning her to stay off your man. You and her have no business. It’s him you’re in a relationship with. Face him and confront him because he’s the one you have a relationship with. The other lady has her own issues.

Lastly, don’t just take an apology and let it rest because you love him. Make your own investigations. Why did he cheat? What role did your attitude play at that time? What exactly was his incentive? When was the incident? How long did it last?
These questions will help you determine whether or not you’ll stay with him.

Share your thoughts and concerns with me tadibabe@gmail.com, mamizzle233 on twitter.

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

Loyalty: A lesson by Adulthood

In the process of becoming an adult,  you experience series of changes. Changes in your body,  mentality,  location,  dreams and relationships.
One of the many changes is loyalty in relationships.
As a child,  you automatically protect people who protect you or people you love. As a child, you are automatically protected by people who love you and are protected by you.
As a child,  you are taught that one hand washes the other.
But then, as you’re growing up,  you realise that sometimes your hand is stil unwashed after you’ve washed your friend’s/brother’s/sister’s.
You feel disappointed.
The truth of the matter is: Growing up has taught everyone how to wash their own hands.
Yes, people are focused on their own pursuits. Which is actually good because people around you can only be happy doing what they enjoy.
So this is the time for you to find out who cherishes you enough to have you on their minds.
There’s no need to bear grudges with people because they weren’t there when you needed them. Don’t count on external support.  Focus on your personal strengths and weaknesses. Utilize them to the maximum.  Then when you get external help,  be grateful and note them for future purposes.
Your loyalty must be redefined and the benefactors of your loyalty reorganised.
Your loyalty should work for you first and foremost,  then you can extend it out to others.

The Men In My Life

The Men In My Life

I have been bestowed the special honor of writing the LADIES’ version of the blog post The Women in My Life – http://wp.me/p2OGSL-3B by my dear friend Ostwiiiiin.
Ha!
(Read my post first before you check his out! LOL)

Alright, this is how it works:
Following are descriptions of the relationships I have with the men around me and the roles they play in my life. Yes, one person could match more than 1 description so don’t worry, collect as many as you can!

That one man who confuses you more than your female friends do.

That one who cooks almost as good as your mommy.

That one who understands and shares your passion.

That one man who always makes you smile.

That one whose company you thoroughly enjoy.

That one who allows you to be you.

That one who constantly flirts with you even though there can’t be anything serious for whatever reason.

That one you effortlessly have those deep and honest conversations with.

That one who broke your heart.

That one whose heart you broke.

That one you talk to everyday. A day without a word from him is just unbearable.

Your crush.

That one who knows everything. Yes, EVERYTHING.

That one to whom you run to when you need to get something fixed. (Handyman 😍😍😍😍)

That one who has the perfect scripture for every situation. Yes, your salted Christian friend.

That one who is the fashionisto. Oh yes he inspires me!

That one who loves teasing you.

That one you love teasing.

That one who wouldn’t give up on a relationship with you no matter what you told him.

That one who can’t say no to you 😆

That one you don’t find attractive one bit.

That one whose standards are unreachable so you just have to give up on.

That one who is sinfully cute, yet untouchable.

That one you’d love to smack in the face because he’s sooooooo annoying!

Huh! The bully.

That adorable one you could hug over and over if you could!

That one who keeps procrastinating claiming he has a plan.

That one who is full of wisdom.

The generous one.

That one who loves your cooking. Ugh you boost my confidence!

That one who is forcing the friendship.

That one who doesn’t know what he wants from you or at least doesn’t know how to say it. (Ain’t nobody got time for that!)

Now, that one who touches that spot. That one you can never forget.

That one you never want to see or have contact with.

The selfless one.

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Battle.

When people lie against you, get down on your knees and cry your heart out…
Let the pain out,
Cry to your Father in heaven.
He can and will heal your pain.
He will guide you through it.
He will let you know when and how to redeem yourself, your reputation.
Sometimes He lets others do it for you.
But as you wait, put Him first. Forgive.
Rejoice in Him.
Learn your lessons.
Trust only Him.
The truth can’t be hidden forever.
You know who you are.
With God on your side, you’re stronger than a thousand men.
Finally, smile.
Confuse your enemy.

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If you know you…

If you know you are going to stay in that relationship with that cheating/ lying/ manipulative/ self-centered/ untruthful/ unattentive/ inconsiderate man, kindly stop disrespecting and embarassing yourself by telling people how terrible the relationship is and still staying in it.

Some women are always complaining about their men and vice versa!

Your constant complaints about your spouse actually does not put you in a good light! You are someone who actually does not know their worth! If you keep implying you deserve better, then kindly DO better! Respect yourself!

Get out of the relationship, if it is that bad. If you can fix it, kindly shut up and do so! The only time you discuss your relationship,if you are not praising it, should be when you are seeking for help outside from the right people.

Set the “enough limit” and stick to it. Stop adjusting it. You might die in the process …

 

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Homosexuality

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Homosexuality. What does this term tell me? What do I associate with it? As a ‘straight’ person, as a practising homosexual or as a Christian? Homosexuality is not a ‘modern phenomenon’ as some think. It has been there at least for the past 2000 years. And yes, it has always been wrong in God’s eyes. (1 Tim 1:10). Now that’s for the Christian.
For the ‘straight’ person,  you are not any better than the homosexual. Why? ‘For all have sinned…’ In God’s eyes, there are no different ‘types’ or ‘sizes’ in sin. So just because your sin bears different consequences than your neighbor’s doesn’t make you better than they are. You shouldn’t make fun of them or make them feel bad. Mockery is never the way forward,  neither is hating nor punishing them with stigmatising. What you ought to do is love them, the individuals,  and pray for them.
Talk to them in love and plant the seed and leave it to grow. It won’t be in vain. Many homosexuals are forced to practise because of money or are being abused. Some do not know anything else. That’s why they need us to be there for them. Don’t forget to pray for yourself as well. It is not easy sticking to what the Bible says on homosexuality. Nevertheless,  you should make it clear that it is the act that is wrong and should be avoided but not the people practising it. God loves us all equally. Jesus was there for tax collectors and prostitutes,  whose position could be compared to today’s homosexuals. Hate the evil act, not the people.
To the homosexual, you’re still a child of God. He loves you, no matter how your past and present situations are. Think of your eternal life. Is it love you are getting from your partner? Anyone who truly loves you would be concerned about your welfare,  earthly and eternal. It is never too late. Whatever it is that you get from the homosexual relationship,  remember God says we should seek Him first and everything else will be given to you. He’ll supply your needs according to His riches. Overcome this challenge and experience the joy of being in sync with God.  

Love Says Be You

Love Says Be You

Most at times you see young and older ladies come out of relationships, totally shattered. They find it hard to move on, not because the man was so awesome, but because they had lost themselves during the time with that particular man. They built their lives around one person, failing to remember to think of themselves.

How does this happen? Losing yourself, Your personality?

It happens simply because these women place the men above themselves. In their desperate quest to please their men to be able to keep them, they forget to accept themselves and build their pride around themselves, not around these men. They forget that it is them being them, in their unique ways, with their friends, family, upbringing etc. that makes them extraordinary. This makes them worth loving.

There is no need to change your life completely when you yourself do not see the change and its effect to be positive for you. The times when we changed our lifestyles completely to fit that of one man are long gone, or at least should be long gone.

Why else would a woman adapt to a man? Because she depends on Him financially, emotionally etc.

Ladies, this is not it!!! Empower yourself!

Know your worth! Know what makes you you! What makes you unique! There is a big difference between you and your partner adapting to each other and you giving up your life for a partner. He should appreciate you, not change you to become what he wants.

Do not lose yourself in a relationship. Take care of yourself.

Do not forget what was before him. Your family, friends, career etc. They count too. They helped you become who you are.

From concerned women to concerned women

You deserve better
You are special too
Do not let yourself go because you fell in love

Love is a beautiful bond
It is supposed to make you better not bitter
Do not love a man more than yourself

Look at yourself in the mirror
What do you see?
It not too late
You can make a change

Yes you are a woman
Your love is deep
You want to take care of your man
Make him feel special

Do not forget yourself
Pamper yourself too
Live life

Do not let yourself go because of a relationship
Keep your self worth
Keep your dignity
Let them shine through

Love him, and yourself too.

Thank you so much Mawusi of mizzpeh.wordpress.com! God bless you for your patience, time and input!

Sex! How Sex Influences The Pre-Marital Relationship

Sex! How Sex Influences The Pre-Marital Relationship

The Guys:

Sex blinds!

I’ll admit that because after the act all you see is her gracious curves and how soft her bosom feels.

You lose focus of what really matters-personality and character , because she drives your senses crazy, you call her daisy and feel she’s amazing.

Some even confuse this with love but get it right great sex is not true love. True love is what happens before and after sex.

Do you still stay up all night just talking to each other or you stay up all night exploring each other’s bodies ??

Do you still wake up each day thinking of how wonderful she is as a person or you day dream of making love to her in different ways ??

Did your love for her grow after sex or did you just find her more entertaining after sex ??

The Ladies:


Sex binds

Yes, I will put it out there like that because it is true. Sex binds spiritually and physically. You don’t believe? Let us look at this:

It is harder for a lady to leave a relationship when she has slept with the man, especially when he is her first. No matter how bad things are, she still has her hopes up high because he has her ‘pride’.

The way a lady sees her man is influenced by how he treats her in bed. If he makes sure she is satisfied before he is, she admires him and respects him for that. Thus it strengthens the affection she has for him.

Though some of us young folks see sex before marriage as ‘testing the waters’, I think the fear of sexual disorder can be dealt with differently.Probably talk about it during the time before marriage, so you know what to expect. Moreover, there is more to marriage than sex.

I believe God wants the best for us when he tells us not to have sex before marriage because it protects us from getting hurt. Because at our ages, we are still young and indecisive. Our minds change regarding what we wanna become in future, what our interests are etc. Yes, we evolve. There is no need to rush.

It is the prerogative of every indiviudal to decide what they want, how they want their sexual life to be.

I’d like to thank Arnold Adrian Sarpong of www.sinfulheart.wordpress.com for his input and initiative.Thanks so much for your support!